The iPhone Goal-Tracker

Apparently, in its attempts to take over the world, the iPhone is now trying to put coaches out of business. This thing really can do it all. Haha.

And, you really do learn something new every day!

The iPhone "Goal-Tracker" helps users keep on track towards reaching goals. Using your iPhone, you decide what you want to achieve, and by when you want to achieve it.

Then as you do the work to make it real, you introduce your progress updates. Every day the Goal-Tracker will give you a short motivational quote to keep you focused and in movement. With Goal-Tracker, you can track professional, financial, health or sports goals.

This thing could actually be a great supplement to coaching, however, unlike the iPhone, you can't throw your coach out your car window if it tells you to work harder.

Welcome to 2009! Choose Happiness this Year.

Despite the number of dark winter days still ahead, I feel a sense of revival this new year. Yes, we are all struggling to keep our homes, jobs, and heads above water, but 2008 also offered us some wonderful highlights that I will carry with me into 2009.

We watched the world come together in one of the most spectacular Olympics I have ever seen. We all came together as a nation, saying 'we've had enough!" and elected an amazing man as president. We ALMOST made a woman president. We went "green" and started paying attention to how much we are wasting every day. We celebrated the 50th anniversary of NASA, and a baby gorilla was born at the Israel zoo.

And the best news of all? We all have the power to be happy this year, whether we were in 2008 or not.

A close friend of mine recently had a huge blow-up with a family member and afterwards declared to me that the argument may have helped their relationship because the family member now knew what "really pushed [his] buttons." Well, yes...but does that mean the family member was responsible for my friend's explosive reaction? Of course not. What my friend was missing (or denying) was that ultimately, HE is responsible for CHOOSING how to react. Every day we wake up with this choice. I'm not saying some days aren't easier than others, and I can be just as guilty as the next person for blaming the "stupid slippery coffee cup" for me dropping the cup on the floor. And in fact, this is healthy to a degree. If we were to blame ourselves so easily we would all surely start to get down on ourselves. We need to blame others to simply protect our own egos. However, do this too much and while you may have some momentary relief, in the long run your denial will catch up to you and cause you even greater pain. Not to mention you will alienate a lot of people in the process.

I say all this to instill hope for the future, and to encourage you to CHOOSE to be HAPPY this year. When you start to get down about the fact that you can't go out to dinner as often, think about how you are actually helping your waistline. When you start to get down about the fact that your husband yelled at you, pat yourself on the back for not reacting harshly but still express how you feel. When you get upset that the schools had to cut your child's after school program, grab a soccer ball and go kick it around with him.

In fact, the latest psychological studies have found that the feeling of happiness is not related to outside circumstances or turning points of one's life. This means that prosperity, marriage or health do not determine our subjective well being. This is great news for everyone. No matter what life throws at you, you can always choose to be happy.

We always have a choice. I choose to be happy. I choose to be healthy. I choose to help others. I choose to love myself. I choose to be excited and invigorated about 2009.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Happy Holidays!

Since the purpose of having a blog is to write pretty much whatever I want and post it worldwide for all to see, I wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very Happy Holiday season.

Christmas and New Year wishes
by Ringu Tulku Rinpoche

Let us celebrate Christmas.

Let us celebrate New Year.

Let us celebrate every day, every hour

And every minute of our life.

Let us rekindle love, friendship, gratitude,

joy and enthusiasm in us today.

Let us live today a purposeful and harmonious day,

And tomorrow will be another day of celebration.

Let us live each day as a New Celebration.

Advice for Frustrated Parents

I recently had a parent ask me the following, and I thought it would be helpful to post my response so that others could see:

Parent: You wouldn't have any parenting advice for a frustrated parent of a 10 year old boy with ADHD(combined type), Mood Disorder, and Disorder of written expression. If you could give any advice I would be forever grateful! He gets so frustrated!

Me: Sounds like everyone is frustrated...and reasonably so! Parenting is never easy, and comes with a lot of extra challenges when your child suffers from any, let alone multiple mental health issues.

To a parent who gets frustrated, I would recommend a few things. First, get support. There are several communitities online that offer advice from specialists and other parents. One of my favorites is called ADDitude. They have a whole section on parenting issues as well as a forum section where you can post questions (http://www.additudemag.com/channel/parenting-adhd-children/index.html). Another great ADHD organization to follow, which sends out a terrific magazine, is CHADD (www.chadd.org). I would also consider finding a local support group in your area.

Another thing I would recommend is some relaxation exercises. There are some you can teach yourself, but the best way is to go to a professional. They can help you to learn guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, and several other useful techniques that you can use not only in the heat of the moment, but also as you are trying to, say, unwind from a hectic day.

Also, don't forget the importance of exercise--a great stress reducer!

And finally, (and a professional can also help with this) don't forget to constantly remind yourself of 1. the wonderful things about your child and your life. Perhaps keep a journal by the side of your bed and every night take 5 minutes to write all the great things your child did that day and the things you are grateful for. Or, for you and the child, put up post-it notes around the house with positive statements about the child so that he can see them and boost his self-esteem and you can see them and feel good about him; 2. Don't sweat the small stuff. No matter how bad things are for you, there are countless people out there with even greater problems. As hard as it is sometimes, always try to remind yourself of this.

I hope this begins to help. Best of luck to you and congrats for having such a dynamic, energetic child!

The Study Zone!

I recently met with Ilene Shwartz, M.Ed., an educational consultant and founder of "Strategiec Educational Solutions". She has created a wonderful product designed to assist individuals in organizing their workspace, called the "Study Zone".

The Study Zone is a portable work station with accessible organizers for supplies and important papers. Simple organizational strategies are embedded into this product to help manage homework, studying and paperwork. It creates a cozy, private work space in any environment.

The Study Zone is not only useful at home and school but also for:
• Children in two household families
• Students who participate in after school homework clubs
• Organizing children’s medical, therapy and school records
• Creating a keepsake organizer or resource file for future grades

Please contact me if you would be interested in purchasing one of these great items. The child Study Zone is $49 and the adult Study/Work Zone is $35.

ADHD's Newest Superstar

The New York Times published an article today about the "New Face" of ADHD --- Olympic superstar, Michael Phelps. As a result of his family making his struggles with ADHD public, doctors are reportedly seeing more and more kids take pride in their "disorder".

The debate centers around whether certain disorders, like ADHD, are a disability, a trait, or even possibly a strength. In the article professionals argue from all sides. Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, a psychiatrist and author whose books include “Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and Coping With Attention Deficit Disorder From Childhood Through Adulthood” (Touchstone, 1995), says the current “deficit-based medical model” of the disorder results in low-self esteem.

On the other hand, Natalie Knochenhauer, founder of A.D.H.D. Aware, an advocacy group in Doylestown, Pa, says “You can’t have a disability that needs to be accommodated in the classroom, and also have this special gift."

I say, why not? why can't it be both? When it comes to traits that are appreciated in a school setting: organization, time management, self-regulation...ADHD will cause an individual to struggle. When it comes to traits that are appreciated in an athlete...energy, incredible focus when it is something a person is interested in...ADHD will help an individual to succeed.

I liken this discrepancy to pretty much any "disorder" or personality trait. Think of narcissism. Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by the tendency to be excessively preoccupied by issues of personal adequacy, power, and prestige. Generally, this is thought of as a negative thing. But think about pretty much every Hollywood actor, CEO, or politician. Without a little narcissism, they wouldn't be who or where they are today.

Like most things in life, the argument whether ADHD is a "good" or "bad" thing is not black and white. And people like myself, Natalie Knochenhauer, and Dr. Edward M. Hallowell should be helping to bridge the gap rather than perpetuate it.

See the entire NY Times article at: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/25/health/25well.html?no_interstitial

Why Being Diagnosed with a Learning Disability as an Adult is NORMAL

Last week, I went to dinner with a group of old high school friends I hadn't seen in awhile. There I learned that my friend--we'll call her Lulu--had just come from being assessed for ADHD and learning disabilities. Lulu is 27, and has always been an excellent student. About a month ago, after completing an intense medical program at Columbia University, she had taken the MCATs in hopes of getting in to medical school and had, in her words, "bombed" the test.

Most of our friends who have known Lulu were shocked and surprised when they heard about the possibility of her being diagnosed with a learning disability or ADHD. They were even more shocked when Lulu explained that the psychologist had already determined that at the very least she definitely has ADHD. How could someone who has always done so well in school and come across as incredibly intelligent, have a learning disability?

Being a specialist in this area, I wasn't quite as surprised. Like a lot of older students and working adults I have come across throughout my career, even with very caring and observational parents, learning disabilities and ADHD often get overlooked throughout childhood and even throughout adulthood. Just last year I worked with a woman I diagnosed as ADHD at the age of 58, and she had never before been told that it was even a possibility.

Here's the thing. People with learning disabilities and/or ADHD aren't stupid! In fact, the reason the diagnosis can get overlooked for so long is a testament to how smart a lot of them are. They find ways of coping with their weaknesses, often working harder than the rest of us to keep up, but fooling everyone in the process---parents, teachers, and friends.

In Lulu's case, she had coped so well and is so intelligent that she made almost perfect grades throughout high school, SAT's, college, AND her med program, and only discovered that she might have an attention problem or other learning disability when her standard coping skills stopped working when she attempted the MCAT.

It is wonderful how much people focus on childhood interventions. My 5-year-old nephew has been going to PT and OT and every other T since he was two, and it has been tremendous for him. Still, the need for older adolescent and adult interventions is never going to change. And to parents who may be feeling guilty for not "seeing" the problem earlier, I hope this helps to explain that it's no ones' fault. The reason you didn't see your child's disability is because your child is so adaptable. Learning disabilities and ADHD don't form later in life or come out of thin air, it's simply that a person's environment changes to the point that they are no longer able to creatively adapt and cope on their own.

People like my friend Lulu are one of the main reasons I feel so passionately about coaching. Coaching allows individuals to work with professionals and come up with creative ways of reinventing coping skills so that they will work as challenges become more and more difficult. It is fitting the system to the person and not the other way around. People like Lulu CAN reach their dreams, they may just need a little help along the way.