It Has Nothing to Do with Willpower

The idea that makes my heart sink the most when it comes to individuals with AD/HD, or mental health disorders in general, is that these people could overcome problems with motivation if they just mustered up enough "willpower". Ugh. Even with all of our knowledge, I continuously hear reports from parents, teachers, spouses...even my clients themselves...saying, "I have seen them do it before so I know they can if they really want to."

If only it were that simple. Remember the commercial for the depression meds where the little rock is being followed around by the gloomy rain cloud? Well, picture that rock as a brain, and that cloud as the disorder. That is what it is like for people suffering. Just like a cloud, some areas are denser then others, and there are even parts where you can almost see the sun shining through. These are the moments when the affected person can motivate him or her self enough to attend to their responsibilities. There are good days and bad days. And the bad days have nothing to do with laziness or lack of willpower.

One thing that I think makes it hard for people to really get this...I mean truly get it...is that individuals with mental health disorders don't have the benefit of others seeing their cloud. As difficult as I am sure life is for someone with a more visible handicap, one thing they have in their favor is the fact that it is visible. When we see someone approaching an entrance on crutches, we hold the door for them (at least we should). On the other hand, if we smile politely at someone who is depressed and they frown and avert their eyes, we assume they are rude and maybe mumble something under our breath. If an AD/HD child who turned their homework in the day before doesn't the following day, we assume he is being defiant.

I admit I am guilty of this too. I automatically have sympathy and respect for any client that walks into my office, but in my daily life I make assumptions about people's character flaws when I really have no idea what is going on under the surface. It's human nature.

So please, try and take a step back now and then when you feel yourself getting impatient with a loved one or stranger who appears to be rude, defiant, or angry. They may be suffering more than you will ever know, and most likely feel ten times the negative feelings toward themselves that you feel. Take solace and celebrate the fact that you are mentally healthy and spread those positive feelings around.

Image from kotaku.com

Upcoming Events for PsychEd Coaches

I am happy to announce two very exciting upcoming events for PsychEd Coaches!

On MAY 9th at the CHADD (Children and Adults with ADHD) Regional Conference in Baltimore, MD, we will be hosting an exhibition booth. The Conference is open to educators, parents, adults, pychologists, and healthcare providers wanting to learn more about ADHD and available ADHD services in the area. For more information go to www.chadd.org.

Mark your calendars! On OCTOBER 9th in Cleveland, Ohio, I (Dr. Levrini) will be conducting a seminar on "ADHD Coaching and College Students" at the National CHADD Conference. For those of you who won't be in Ohio, I'll be sure to post a video of the presentation.

Obama Swearing In

I wanted to share a video I took yesterday at the Inaguration of Barack Obama. It was an honor and a pleasure to be a part of this historical event.

The iPhone Goal-Tracker

Apparently, in its attempts to take over the world, the iPhone is now trying to put coaches out of business. This thing really can do it all. Haha.

And, you really do learn something new every day!

The iPhone "Goal-Tracker" helps users keep on track towards reaching goals. Using your iPhone, you decide what you want to achieve, and by when you want to achieve it.

Then as you do the work to make it real, you introduce your progress updates. Every day the Goal-Tracker will give you a short motivational quote to keep you focused and in movement. With Goal-Tracker, you can track professional, financial, health or sports goals.

This thing could actually be a great supplement to coaching, however, unlike the iPhone, you can't throw your coach out your car window if it tells you to work harder.

Welcome to 2009! Choose Happiness this Year.

Despite the number of dark winter days still ahead, I feel a sense of revival this new year. Yes, we are all struggling to keep our homes, jobs, and heads above water, but 2008 also offered us some wonderful highlights that I will carry with me into 2009.

We watched the world come together in one of the most spectacular Olympics I have ever seen. We all came together as a nation, saying 'we've had enough!" and elected an amazing man as president. We ALMOST made a woman president. We went "green" and started paying attention to how much we are wasting every day. We celebrated the 50th anniversary of NASA, and a baby gorilla was born at the Israel zoo.

And the best news of all? We all have the power to be happy this year, whether we were in 2008 or not.

A close friend of mine recently had a huge blow-up with a family member and afterwards declared to me that the argument may have helped their relationship because the family member now knew what "really pushed [his] buttons." Well, yes...but does that mean the family member was responsible for my friend's explosive reaction? Of course not. What my friend was missing (or denying) was that ultimately, HE is responsible for CHOOSING how to react. Every day we wake up with this choice. I'm not saying some days aren't easier than others, and I can be just as guilty as the next person for blaming the "stupid slippery coffee cup" for me dropping the cup on the floor. And in fact, this is healthy to a degree. If we were to blame ourselves so easily we would all surely start to get down on ourselves. We need to blame others to simply protect our own egos. However, do this too much and while you may have some momentary relief, in the long run your denial will catch up to you and cause you even greater pain. Not to mention you will alienate a lot of people in the process.

I say all this to instill hope for the future, and to encourage you to CHOOSE to be HAPPY this year. When you start to get down about the fact that you can't go out to dinner as often, think about how you are actually helping your waistline. When you start to get down about the fact that your husband yelled at you, pat yourself on the back for not reacting harshly but still express how you feel. When you get upset that the schools had to cut your child's after school program, grab a soccer ball and go kick it around with him.

In fact, the latest psychological studies have found that the feeling of happiness is not related to outside circumstances or turning points of one's life. This means that prosperity, marriage or health do not determine our subjective well being. This is great news for everyone. No matter what life throws at you, you can always choose to be happy.

We always have a choice. I choose to be happy. I choose to be healthy. I choose to help others. I choose to love myself. I choose to be excited and invigorated about 2009.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Happy Holidays!

Since the purpose of having a blog is to write pretty much whatever I want and post it worldwide for all to see, I wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone a very Happy Holiday season.

Christmas and New Year wishes
by Ringu Tulku Rinpoche

Let us celebrate Christmas.

Let us celebrate New Year.

Let us celebrate every day, every hour

And every minute of our life.

Let us rekindle love, friendship, gratitude,

joy and enthusiasm in us today.

Let us live today a purposeful and harmonious day,

And tomorrow will be another day of celebration.

Let us live each day as a New Celebration.

Advice for Frustrated Parents

I recently had a parent ask me the following, and I thought it would be helpful to post my response so that others could see:

Parent: You wouldn't have any parenting advice for a frustrated parent of a 10 year old boy with ADHD(combined type), Mood Disorder, and Disorder of written expression. If you could give any advice I would be forever grateful! He gets so frustrated!

Me: Sounds like everyone is frustrated...and reasonably so! Parenting is never easy, and comes with a lot of extra challenges when your child suffers from any, let alone multiple mental health issues.

To a parent who gets frustrated, I would recommend a few things. First, get support. There are several communitities online that offer advice from specialists and other parents. One of my favorites is called ADDitude. They have a whole section on parenting issues as well as a forum section where you can post questions (http://www.additudemag.com/channel/parenting-adhd-children/index.html). Another great ADHD organization to follow, which sends out a terrific magazine, is CHADD (www.chadd.org). I would also consider finding a local support group in your area.

Another thing I would recommend is some relaxation exercises. There are some you can teach yourself, but the best way is to go to a professional. They can help you to learn guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, and several other useful techniques that you can use not only in the heat of the moment, but also as you are trying to, say, unwind from a hectic day.

Also, don't forget the importance of exercise--a great stress reducer!

And finally, (and a professional can also help with this) don't forget to constantly remind yourself of 1. the wonderful things about your child and your life. Perhaps keep a journal by the side of your bed and every night take 5 minutes to write all the great things your child did that day and the things you are grateful for. Or, for you and the child, put up post-it notes around the house with positive statements about the child so that he can see them and boost his self-esteem and you can see them and feel good about him; 2. Don't sweat the small stuff. No matter how bad things are for you, there are countless people out there with even greater problems. As hard as it is sometimes, always try to remind yourself of this.

I hope this begins to help. Best of luck to you and congrats for having such a dynamic, energetic child!